Tuesday, April 05, 2016

Them bats in Pinocchio Rosenbarger's belfry: BOW talks Greenway, and a night on Bald Mountain.

For your listening and dancing pleasure, a selection of waltzes from last week's (March 29) Bored of Works meeting.

Once again we're reminded that even though it is to be a "greenway" for walkers and bicyclists, there'll be some manner of "limited" automotive access, perhaps akin to the Spring Street Interstate, and to make room for a roadway necessary for cars, even if narrowed, we'll have to remove 109 trees.

And in removing 109 healthy trees, we'll have to do it right now --STAT -- without asking Mr. Naps' permission, because if not, the bats will begin nesting.

Now, we might actually go to the tree board, and we might consult the arborist, but since the project was approved a long time ago, what possible good would that do?

Can someone explain why there even is such a thing as a tree board if it isn't to be informed of such matters?

Of course, we must inform Mr. Naps first -- then the tree board. After all, the tree board never served as Democratic Party chairman.

Rosenbarger's last brilliant road calming success was the catastrophic (for the street) Main Street Beautification Project, which runs past his house, ruins the roadway, and yet enhances his own property values. He casually reveals that yes, the Greenway route for humans will be open for cars, and we'll put a few pull-overs in to help keep things calm -- nudge nudge, wink wink.

It's how you keep your job, long after the thrill of performance is gone.

Finally, worn down by minutes of ineffectual questioning, Rosenbarger speaks something approximating actual truth. He'd have informed the board sooner about the need to clear-cut those 109 trees, but then things dragged too far along owing to his department's historic, sloth-like vigor, at which point it became necessary to move very quickly ... to capture the money.

And you wonder why 5th Street was paved (gotcha, overpaid lawyer) before being destroyed by Break Wind construction.

Heck, boy, we'd have lost the money -- and how the hell is the paver going to kick back some campaign finance if he doesn't pave?

Then, there's the (now) bald knob behind the church on State Street.

Ever the straight man, Mr. Naps asks: Are they allowed to cut like that?

Planning Department replies: We'll have to check on it.

If they're not allowed, I'd like to see Rosenbarger on a tractor, reattaching all the trees that already have been cut, like toothpicks protruding from a long overdue forced retirement cake.

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