Sunday, November 04, 2007

Cat's in the cradle, and more endorsements preceding Tuesday's election.

At the very last moment, a write-in candidate has been certified by the state of Indiana’s election board, and he will oppose the incumbent 1st district councilman Dan Coffey in Tuesday’s race.

His name is Skittles, a feral cat found living beneath an illegally installed water heater in a West Endian rental property around the corner from Coffey’s house, and shown here enjoying a long overdue hot bath following his recruitment by desperate constituents.

According to Skittles, “I’ve seen first-hand what Coffey can do with plumbing, and let me tell you, even a wild animal knows better.”

He added, “Unlike Steve Price, I’m no lap cat.”

In response, the Wizard of Westside has angrily vowed to again tamper with as many ballots as it takes to turn back the unexpected feline challenge and retain iron control of the city’s poorest district, which Coffey has earnestly guided to ever greater depths of impoverishment since his election eight years ago.

Intriguingly, Tribune publisher John Tucker has reached a similar conclusion:

Unfortunately, because Coffey is unopposed (he won by literally a few votes during the primary) he’ll probably be back for four more years. But even so, if I were in his district I’d leave the ballot blank or write in my crazy Uncle Fred’s name rather than surrender to four more years of his type of leadership.

District 1: Vote Skittles as a write-in, and help clean the Wizard’s litter box.

While we’re at it, here are the senior editor’s remaining endorsements.

District 2: Bob Caesar (D)
Long-term, downtown businessman knows the score, will not require prompting from hidden radio wave electro-shock impulses to know which way to vote.

District 3: Brenda Scharlow (R)
Meaningful entrepreneurial experience easily trumps a lowest common denominator opponent. For more, go here, and note publisher Tucker's words:

Price and Coffey are of like mind and vote. They have made it their job to stop progress in New Albany, and in that respect, they do a very good job. Unlike Coffey, there is someone running against Price. Brenda Scharlow is running on the Republican ticket. I’ve never met Brenda Scharlow. I have read her platform and watched her talk at a debate. She seems a capable person. However, make no mistake, I would vote for her mostly because the incumbent has proven himself to be incapable of the job.

District 4: Pat McLaughlin (D)
Quietly does his homework and refuses to pander to blogs like mine.

District 5: Dick Bliss (R)
Absence of family ties to “The Gary” a massive plus.

District 6: Jeff Gahan (D)
I’m simply unwilling to hold one admittedly colossal misstep against him.

At-Large: John Gonder (D), Jack Messer (D), Kevin Zurschmeide (R)
If Skittles fails in his bid to unseat Coffey, he promises to run against superannuated Democratic at-large candidate Jim Hollis on a personal hygiene platform.

Mayor: Doug England (D)
Perpetually encumbered by baggage, but what England is best at doing is what New Albany needs right now. Fortunately, we’re not being called upon to elect a saint, but to choose a mayor. Opponent Randy Hubbard has failed to offer compelling evidence that he possesses the energy or vision to succeed as mayor. For more, go here.

Clerk: Marcey Wisman (D)
Modernizing the office would be an easier job if so many of the purse string holders weren’t clueless Luddites busking for nickels and dimes on street corners.

See also:

Tasty fried fish since 1985 ... and by the way, vote for me.

Not an endorsement, but rather an embarrassment.

7 comments:

John Alton 2007 said...

I have never really had the opportunity to meet Pat McLaughlin who is the Fourth District City Council Candidate, although he has left his cards on my door, with the note, "sorry to have missed you John". Nevertheless, I fully endorse Pat in his run for the 4th. He may be quiet, but if elected, I am sure that he will have a lot to offer, and to say for the future of New Albany.

Tommy2x4 said...

heard an add this morning for Hubbard. i do believe he's taken off the gloves as of Sunday, November 4th.

The New Albanian said...

Can you provide a synopsis?

bluegill said...

Synopsis:

England headlines are interspersed with shots of Hubbard looking uncomfortable at the riverfront.

The message is that England's behavior makes New Albany look bad. Hubbard actually looks bad but is honest.

Tommy2x4 said...

to sum it up...

...you didn't re-elect this dirty rotten scoundrel the first time, why would you do it now?

i had to chuckle a little bit...just seemed like both parties were running on their resumes and letting the voters decide, then all of the sudden, you get the "liar liar pants on fire" approach and it really turned me off....

i want to hear what politicians have to say about the issues. i don't want to hear the high school name calling crap.

issue folks! stick to the issues!

jon faith said...

am alive and impressed in morocco

Csd619 said...

I can not help but wonder how many votes skittles managed to pull off??