SHANE'S EXCELLENT NEW WORDS: Dogs caused the farmers market to jump the shark, according to germophobic jazz icon.

The Tom May Content Multiplier's "letters to the editor" section has become a shadow of its former entertaining self, and it's not entirely the fault of our chain newspaper's enduring absentee ownership.

These days, people barely capable of communicating in writing still manage to inflict their views on the general populace via various social media platforms, accompanied by memes someone else conjured. A reincarnated H.L. Mencken doubtless would observe that American civilization is regressing quite markedly toward reclaiming grunts and groans from its simian forebearers.

Like Greg Phipps, we've met the enemy, and he is us.

Speaking of animals, it seems the presence of dogs at New Albany's farmers market has single-handedly rejuvenated the newspaper's letters section.

Aug 5, 2018

New Albany Farmers Market 'gone to the dogs'

I love going to the Farmers Market on Saturday morning and was there the morning of July 28. However, this morning was not a pleasant visit as there were more dogs than humans. In fact, you could barely walk through because of so many dogs and I almost tripped over a small dog. Who would be liable for an accident? I like dogs in their place and this is not their place. This is a food market not a dog market.

Carolyn Carter, New Albany

No one goes to the farmers market any more -- far too many people are there -- and it would seem that the balance of vendors long since has tilted to merchandise, arts and crafts rather than food, but I digress.

A similar canine complaint followed only three days later.

August 8

Farmers market is no place for animals

Last week at the Farmers Market I had just entered the food area off Market Street, which was very crowded. The next thing I know a dog licked my right hand and I didn’t even SEE the animal. My first thought was: They should not allow animals at this public place! I’m leery of dogs and this scared me. And now I see this article which has prompted me to write.

Also, animals around food that humans will be purchasing and eating does not sound healthy to me.

I think it would be much cleaner with just humans at the Farmers Market.

No animals.

— Jamey Aebersold

"Syncopated Germophobe" sounds like the name of a rock band, not jazz.

germ·o·phobe
ˈjərməˌfōb
noun
A person with an extreme fear of germs and an obsession with cleanliness.

Let's have a closer look at the saxophonist's link. I'm reminded of Frank Zappa's immortal album, Weasels Ripped My Flesh.

Doctors have been forced to amputate a man's legs and parts of his hands after he suffered sepsis believed to be caused by being licked by a dog ...

... A representative for the New York Animal Hospital told The Independent that it’s "extremely rare" for humans to become ill after contact with Capnocytophaga canimorsus, which was found in Mr Manteufel’s blood. In rare instances, the bacteria — which can be found in dog and cat saliva — may cause infections when it comes in contact with an open wound or burn, while the majority of Capnocytophaga canimorsus-related illnesses occur through dog bites.

In fact, there have only reportedly been 500 cases of sepsis caused by Capnocytophaga canimorsus without a dog bite being found in the US and Canada since 1976.

Obviously it's no laughing matter to contract sepsis from a dog's lick, but on the other hand, probably more than 500 pianos have landed on American sidewalk strollers since 1976.

No smoking, no animals; Aebersold's "anti-" range pleasingly grows. My own pet peeve is Puritanism, which I think should be banned from all public gatherings like the farmers market, city council meetings and DNA-sponsored events.

Mencken's definition remains the standard in the English language.

“Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”

However, lest the jazzman has forgotten, at times the shoe occupies the other foot, assuming it hasn't been amputated.

During the Cold War, jazz was still banned in some Eastern European countries for being subversive and decadent. Well into the 1980s, the underground clubs where it was performed in these countries provided meeting places for political dissidents.

What if no anchor-bedecked city officials were allowed at the farmers market? Then we'd be getting somewhere. Keep the dogs -- just remove the bottom-feeders.

Something for CM Aebersold to learn about revitalization -- from a conservative, not us.

Purely accidental first-year councilman David Aebersold famously expounded at depressing length about the weight of his ignorance of the modern world in a September 28 letter to the Courier-Journal.

Today, urban planning is dominated by an anti-auto mentality that overrides common sense. In efforts to discourage driving, planners are willing to accept more congestion – which is what will happen on Spring Street – more air pollution and greater numbers of accidents, a result of changing one-way streets to two-way streets. Traffic speeds are independent of whether the streets are one-way or two-way and can probably be controlled on one-way street through the use of coordinated signals that can be set for almost any desired speed.

What the hell -- not everyone can read and research and learn, and the older you get, the less you care to try, although come to think of it, David's not the only confused Aebersold in town. Jamey doesn't grasp it, either, but what can we expect from jazz musicians (wink wink, nudge nudge)?

I'm not sure what can be done about the syncopation of auto-centrism, but in my usual helpful spirit, here's something that might assist the accidental councilman in comprehending little shards of the reality outside his gated preserve -- and not only that, it's completely safe for him to peruse because the publication is called THE AMERICAN CONSERVATIVE.

I've highlighted just one pertinent suggestion. You're welcome.

How to Brew a Midwest Downtown Renaissance, by John Burtka III (The American Conservative)

1. Infrastructure. Local government music t invest in downtown roads, streetscapes, placemaking, parks, and trails. If you have the vestiges of 1970s urban planning, such as roads turned into walking plazas or one-way bypasses speeding potential customers around and away from downtown businesses, you must remove these impediments to growth now. Many of these projects can take advantage of federal and state incentives that already exist.

See, that wasn't so bad ... was it?

Jamey Aebersold is wrong about street safety. Evidently facts are for non-smoking campaigns alone.

13 Simple But Factual Ways Biking Is Better.

Ask musician/favorite son Jamey Aebersold about smoking, and he will bombard you with reams of research.

I've seen and heard him do it.

Ask Aebersold, and he'll readily tell you that it isn't merely his opinion on the matter of tobacco. He has gathered facts, and he'll go fetch before-and-after lung graphics from the trunk of his car to illustrate the point. He deploys factual anti-smoking information like a general wielding his legions.

In short, it is fitting and proper to use facts when making an argument.

However, when the topic turns to the proper use and management of city streets, Aebersold seemingly no longer is interested in facts. In short order, Aebersold becomes just another tone deaf guy pounding Bud Lights in a smoky bar, opinionating.

Jeers

I don’t know why any biker would want to ride on Spring Street or Charlestown Road in New Albany. It’s way too dangerous. Those streets are for moving vehicles, not bikers. I think it’s a terrible idea to make bike lanes on those two city streets!

— Jamey Aebersold, New Albany

Think about it.

These streets are dangerous, so rather than make the streets safer by addressing the conditions that make them dangerous, the obvious solution is to remove all non-automotive elements from the streets -- you know, just like on the interstates.

That's shortenedbreathtaking.

There is no thought of the health of the city, through which these dangerous routes pass.

No mention of contemporary urban transportation trends.

No examination of the way that road design impacts property values and quality of life.

No evidence that Aebersold has researched the issue at all.

Perhaps Aebersold would be more convincing when pontificating on streets if he chose to embrace the same fact-based approach he uses to denounce smoking (did you know that his latest campaign is to convince the Harvest Homecoming committee to make its open-air street festival smoke free?)

I bet Aebersold has a few facts to back his "no smoking" request. What's more, he always has used his well-earned celebrity to advance his non-smoking agenda, and that's fine with me, because his smoking positions actually are factual.

When the facts evaporate, so does the credibility of his soap box. Of course, he's fully entitled to his own opinions -- just not to his own facts.

If Aebersold intends to become an advocate for street grid status quo, isn't he obliged to to operate under the same fact-based regime?

Perhaps Aebersold might begin by bringing himself up to date on concepts like this: Road diet. Believe it or not, the internet is filed with a wide range of ... (wait for it) ... facts about the topic. Heaven forbid, he might even read this important work, seeing as neither Bob Caesar nor Irv Stumler have bothered: Jeff Speck's Downtown Street Network Proposal.

Or do good ol' boys get an automatic Irv Fact Pass?

Jamey Aebersold Quartet at the Carnegie Center, this Wednesday (April 30)

For more information on the occasion, there's International Jazz Day.

We know that Jamey Aebersold frowns on smoking, and the Carnegie Center is a smoke-free facility, but there is no word on whether growlers from across the street are fair game ...

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Celebrate International Jazz Day with the Jamey Aebersold Jazz Quartet, this Wed. April 30, 7:30 pm at the Carnegie Center!

Jamey Aebersold is well-known to those who attend our exhibit opening receptions at the Carnegie Center. Here's another great opportunity to hear the Jamey Aebersold Jazz Quartet here, but this time center stage, in our lower level meeting room. Jamey Aebersold Jazz has generously made it possible for members of our community to experience a free concert of the Jamey Aebersold Jazz Quartet.

Don't miss this "Tribute to the Masters" concert celebrating International Jazz Day around the world! This program is free and open to the public.

Thank you and we hope you'll join us this Wednesday April 30 at 7:30 pm for a great night of jazz with our wonderful friends, the Jamey Aebersold Jazz Quartet.

(This concert was originally to be held in the NA-FC Public Library auditorium.)

Thank you,

Laura Wilkins, Director of Marketing & Outreach

We know there'll be jazz at the Amphitheater this weekend.

First, a bit about Jamey Aebersold, Bobby Falk and the relevant musical facts. As a devotee of jazz, which I sense is a dying breed, it's good to see some of our Riverfront Amphitheater time devoted to the genre. The following was copied from from Develop New Albany's weekly e-mail.

New Albany's Jamey Aebersold Performs this weekend at the Riverfront Amphitheater

New Albany’s Internationally Famous Jazz Musician & Educator Jamey Aebersold will perform Saturday evening at 7:30pm at the New Albany Amphitheater.

Aebersold's "Play-A-Long" series of instructional books and CD collections, using the chord-scale system are an internationally renowned resource for jazz education. More than 126 of these collections have been published by Aebersold. Jamey is also a very talented pianist, bassist, and banjoist.

Aebersold has also run the "Summer Jazz Workshop" sessions at the University of Louisville. Many leading educators and performers have served as Workshop faculty. The week-long event is billed as a place to learn jazz through hands-on experience, and provides an intensive learning environment for musicians of widely varying ages and levels. The standard Workshop curriculum includes master classes, ear-training sessions, jazz theory classes from beginning to advanced, and concerts by faculty

Also performing this weekend: The Bobby Falk Band

The Bobby Falk Band is a progressive band that incorporates jazz elements with covers and originality, constantly trying to appeal to more diverse audiences.

The band leader Bobby Falk has been a jazz musician all his life, as a composer, drummer and percussionist. He received his Bachelor of Arts in Jazz Studies (Percussion emphasis) from the University of Louisville School of Music in 2005, which included jazz studies abroad in Brazil, and performance experience/recording with Lew Soloff, Phil Woods, Curtis Fuller, Lionel Hampton, John Fedchock, Kenny Werner, Jimmy Heath, Jerry Coker, Bob Mintzer, among others.

The Bobby Falk band will take the Amphitheater stage on Friday night at 7:30 p.m.

This leads me to my second, subsidiary point, and a paragraph in the weekly e-blast from the Clark & Floyd Convention and Tourism Bureau, in which it was noted:

"The music starts both nights at 7 pm at the Riverfront Amphitheater. Local merchants and organizations will offer food and beverages including craft beers from the New Albanian Brewery."

Given that I've heard nothing about our beer there until now, I suspect this is a misprint; inquiries are being made, so in the meantime, I'll repeat publicly what I've told so many of you privately.

There cannot be a free market when it comes to alcoholic beverages. State liquor regulations apply, and beer vendors at venues like the Amphitheater must operate under a three-way catering regime. The playing field is tilted from the start, and certain licensees (i.e., two-ways) are unable to play so long as vendors must acquire the necessary permits.

Also, as importantly, the Amphitheater is City Hall's domain, and City Hall makes rules of its own. Consequently, the riverfront committee is charged with deciding who vends and who does not, subject to the state's rules and the city's directives.

NABC is happy to do business with these chosen vendors, and to assist them in buying beer from us for resale to a grateful public. We always are eager to help them understand the nature of the craft beer demographic and how serving it could help them make money, but as we do not know who the chosen vendors are, and remain unaware of the committee's overall vendor policies this year, there is little NABC can do except hope that vendors approach us with their requests.

For those many local consumers who have expressed annoyance with the absence of craft beer choice at this year's events, I thank you for your comments, and I repeat: Please make your feelings known to the vendors and the committee. As a consumer, your job is to make demand known, and to clearly indicate the factors that inform your purchasing power. The semi-free market will adapt, or not; it's as simple as that.

Thanks. I appreciate the feedback.

How to extend your fringe, to curb your butt, and to recite the Lord's Prayer -- and other city council items.

The agenda for tonight’s city council meeting can be found here.

Buried in the “tabled ordinances” area, where it has been moldering since late winter, is the floundering council kingpin Larry Kochert’s Omnibus Diversionary Behavioral Modification Ordinance, otherwise known as G-07-02: An Ordinance to Prohibiting Smoking in Specified Areas.

While there is no indication that the council intends to revisit this controversial proposal, legendary local jazzman and prolific anti-smoking crusader Jamey Aebersold recently offered a letter to the Tribune on the topic of the council's smoking ban inaction, in which he expresses indignation over the legislative body's unwillingness to address the issue.

Alas, it would seem that Aebersold is so understandably ecstatic in the unexpected turn of events that finds New Albany in possession of a new club (the Speakeasy) both jazz-oriented and smoke-free that he has failed to notice an “unwillingness to address the issue” as a council default setting rather than a one-off occurrence -- although in this case, the foot-dragging just might be an indication of sanity given the passions aroused by such measures.

Be that as it may, here’s what Aebersold had to say.

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LETTERS: June 17, 2007

Where’s New Albany’s smoking ban?

On Feb. 22, 2007, many citizens met at the New Albany City County Building to present to the City Council a comprehensive smoking ordinance for New Albany.

After presenting overwhelming evidence of the importance of such an ordinance, a committee of three was appointed: Kevin Zurschmiede, Beverly Crump and Jeff Gahan.

It is now three months later and the committee has yet to meet. Repeated e-mails and phone calls to committee members have been met with silence.

Citizens run for various public offices because they feel they can contribute to the betterment of the city and their presence will make a difference. The people on this smoking ordinance committee are shirking their duty and need to answer the question — “Why haven’t you met?”

I feel it is disrespectful to New Albany’s citizens to continue to remain silent. Why form a committee if there is no intention of meeting and discussing the issue? I also feel one shouldn’t have to write a letter to the editor of the local newspaper in order to communicate with public office holders.

— Jamey Aebersold, New Albany