Survey sez: "Women hate beards."

"Long whiskers cannot take the place of brains"
-- Russian proverb

As reprinted below, a recent poll in Britain indicates that in the vast majority of cases, women would have us believe that they abhor male facial hair.

Ironically, or so the report suggests, contrarian males – presumably influenced subliminally by Geico caveman commercials – insist on believing that facial hair attracts females, this in opposition to all available evidence that sporting prowess, choice of light beer, penis size and maximum credit card limits are the true determining factors in the eternal game of attraction.

Perhaps the trick is for men to get married while clean shaven. Then, lured into our deceitful web of discarded razors, women won't have a choice in the matter.

As for the unattached gals out there, randomized exceptionalism still carries most days, and I've helpfully highlighted the single most truthful point made in the article, with the key word being "contradictory," in that if you're lucky enough to be Brad Pitt or David Beckham, you can cultivate Fu Manchus, spin the tallest of tales, wear women's underwear and even emit chronic flatulence … and still get her at the snap of a finger.

I concur with Mark Twain – there are lies, damned lies and statistics. The missus happens to like my recently cultivated Che Guevera beard … and I had a mustache before we were married. That's just good taste on her part, don't you think?

And, conversely, even better taste on mine.

---

Women hate beards - survey

Beards, moustaches and goatees are a huge turn-off for women, with nine out of 10 saying they prefer a clean-shaven man.

But men seem to labour under the delusion that facial hair will get them the girl of their dreams, with two-thirds saying they believe that a beard makes them seem more masculine and appealing.

The survey of more than 2,000 men and women for aftershave manufacturer Lynx will revive the debate over the appeal of beards.

Women displayed a contradictory streak, with 72% saying actor Brad Pitt's designer stubble actually made him more appealing, and 66% admiring Manchester United star David Beckham's hint of hair.

The poll found that 92% of women preferred a clean-shaven man, with 95% complaining that facial stubble made a romantic kiss an unpleasant experience and a turn-off.

Seven out of 10 women dismissed moustaches as "out of date", two thirds condemned trendy goatees as "sloppy", and a massive 86% said they found beards unattractive.

But 63% of men believed facial hair made them more manly and attractive.

Failure in the hair stakes can lead to feelings of inadequacy - one in five men admitted they were not capable of growing a full beard and felt ashamed as a result.

But in the battle of the beards and the sexes, women seem to win - as just 8% of men aged between 17 and 74 have beards.

A third sport occasional stubble, 15% have a moustache and 12% have a goatee.