Monty Python skit or real life? Church of England says "Sex is for married heterosexual couples only."

You are all the same
Gilded and absurd
Regal, fast to blame
Rulers by lost word
Men above men, or prats
With your high hats
You priest, you mullah so high
You pope, you wise rabbi
You're invisible to me
Like vapour from the sea

Arguably the best comment I've seen about this story.

Men in purple dresses dispensing directives about how and when to have sex.

Whatever.

Sex is for married heterosexual couples only, says Church of England, by Harriet Sherwood (The Guardian)

Pastoral guidance also calls for Christians in gay or straight civil unions to be abstinent

The Church of England has stated that sex belongs only within heterosexual marriage, and that sex in gay or straight civil partnerships “falls short of God’s purpose for human beings”.

Bishops have issued pastoral guidance in response to the recent introduction to mixed-sex civil partnerships, which says: “For Christians, marriage – that is, the lifelong union between a man and a woman, contracted with the making of vows – remains the proper context for sexual activity.”

The church “seeks to uphold that standard” in its approach to civil partnerships, and “to affirm the value of committed, sexually abstinent friendships” within such partnerships.

It adds: “Sexual relationships outside heterosexual marriage are regarded as falling short of God’s purpose for human beings” ...