"Lithuania's barking-mad Soviet-era theme park has barking dogs and barking ex-KGB," but ironically, no place to walk your dog.

Tanned, rested and ready, my masterpiece development plan is ready to be TIFFed: The Open Air Museum of Ignorance, Superstition and Backwardness.

LITHUANIA’S BARKING-MAD SOVIET-ERA THEME PARK HAS BARKING DOGS AND BARKING EX-KGB, by Colton (Ripley's)

If you’ve ever wanted to trudge around in the cold while being shouted at in Russian, the could be the perfect vacation spot.

Set in a Soviet-era bunker, 1984: Survival Experience visitors are treated as though they were Lithuanian citizens under the control of the communist Russian military. The dramatization starts with putting on heavy, damp jackets. A German shepherd and ex-KGB officer bark orders as you enter your new Soviet paradise. Yes, ex-KGB. Believe it or not, all of the attractions actors were in the Soviet army. Some even interrogators trained in psychological tactics.

It gets real ...