It's an item-free agenda as council meets tonight, so best prepare for maximum westside wizardry.

There's nothing on the evening's council agenda, which by all rights implies nothingness in terms of the meeting results, but veteran council watchers know from long, pitiless experience that an empty agenda often serves as an invisible tripwire for ward-heeling, caterwauling and stationary gyrations, primarily from Dan "Danny Copperhead" Coffey.

The smart money says tonight Coffey will verbally assault transgender snowflake pedestrian pacifist abortion supporters, for a period of time up to fifteen minutes, as the council president surveys his gavel as though it were an irreplaceable Fabergé egg.

I'll be there, dreaming of shelter from pigs on the wing.