GREEN MOUSE SAYS: Wile E. Coyote was booked, so David Duggins will stand in for Rick Pitino as this year's Harvest Homecoming parade figurehead.

With backing vocals by the Vouchettes.

The Green Mouse has learned that Mayor Jeff Gahan will designate New Albany Public Hosing Director David Duggins as the official replacement for newly disgraced University of Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino, who was to have served as grand master of ceremonies for the annual event on Saturday, October 7.

Harvest Homecoming officials cancel Pitino visit

According to Mike Hall, the city's communications ventriloquist, there simply wasn't enough time for Gahan to purge and reappoint Harvest Homecoming's entire board, as he did previously with the NAHA.

"We needed someone with a Pitino-sized ego, stat," noted Hall, who hastened to add that while Gahan's self-opinion is luminously massive, the parade is far too small a stage for it.

"Mayor Gahan is an A-lister, and anything less than a prayer breakfast or Democratic Party RV caravan just won't maximize contributions," explained Hall.

"But Duggins is changing the way we think about swapping boring old safety nets for uninhibited luxury," Hall continued.

"What better person to celebrate our impending eradication of the poverty-stricken than the mayor's personal denigrator of public housing? Besides, it keeps him away from HWC Engineering."

Hall would not rule out ulterior motives.

"If we also can make the University of Louisville look bad in the process, that's a nice bonus. Mayor Gahan is looking forward to coaching Romeo to a championship in Bloomington -- assuming, of course, that college basketball still exists, and if not ... well, the NBA's fine, too."

According to Duggins' answering service, the dissector went over to Porcini's to do some field research, and was unavailable for comment.