Irv Stumler launches new Jolly Rancher bombardment in his jihad against modernity.

From the moment Irv Stumler reached the podium last Saturday and began reading potted monotonal bromides from a prepared, crayon-smeared sheet, it was obvious where "New Albany 4 All" had originated.

ON THE AVENUES: As Admiral Gahan steers his Speck study into the Bermuda Triangle, crewmen Padgett, Stumler and Caesar grimly toss all the rum overboard.

Yes, it remains true that Mayor Jeff Gahan's bizarrely inept and frankly cowardly mishandling of Speck's streets study has brought us to the juncture where opponents have declared cultural jihad against hope for the city's future.

This is New Albany, and increased value for all, as opposed to a few, is something to be feared and loathed, and so City Hall seems committed to a cynical strategy of taking any notion of hope fostered by the Speck study and tossing is like a scrap of rancid meat into the howling scrum, so that after we’ve all mauled each other, Jeff Gahan as Noble Squire can stride onto center stage and take credit for the healing “compromise solution” to a festering mess he has created.

Proponents have played factually and nice. They have been answered with Irv Stumler's territorial sprayings.

I can speak only for myself, but if the Stumlers of the area want culture war, I'm happy to fight them on that particular battlefield. The future is two-way. The past is one-way.

Pick a side.