The Derby Grinch says: In or out of town today, just drink better beer.

If you're a fan of pyrotechnics and craft beer, just get over to Buckhead today for the craft extravaganza and ignore me: Thunder, craft beer, river.

As for me ... my yearly disclaimer.

I get no kick from juleps, and mere horse pimps don’t thrill me at all, but I get a kick out of being a contrarian Grinch each year during Derby Festival.

The orgasmic fireworks display this evening during Flatulence Over Louisville always provides grist for this cynic’s willful disobedience, providing an excellent pretext to skip town for somewhere quiet and civilized by comparison … a place where there is craft beer readily available to wash away the bad taste of this yearly glorification of pure, old-fashioned American garishness ... and since Birdseye didn’t fit the bill, I'm going to Indianapolis, instead. It's the Brewers of Indiana Guild's annual meeting.

Let me know when the smoke clears, okay?