REWIND: "A very special NA Confidential interview with Anonymous."

We go all the way back to May 30, 2005, to illustrate a certain inevitable axiom: The more things in New Albany change, the more its disaffected character assassins remain precisely the same. The following article represents the only occurrence, within more than 5,000 posts over eight years, of the word "polecat," and surely this must count for something? Spread your vittles on the kitchen table's weather-beaten, Depression-era linoleum, and enjoy this blast from the past ... er, present ... whatever.

---

"Anonymous” …

(a.k.a. legalbagle, smalltownusa, concern taxpayer, hometown girl, trucker buddy, proud democrat, redwhiteblue … etc., etc., ad nauseam; age, address, sex, political affiliation and very existence on planet earth completely unknown, and damned well intent on keeping it that way, because what would free speech be without invisibility?)

… has emerged as the foremost hooded Internet spokesperson for New Albany’s unreconstructed, flat-earth Luddites, known hereabouts as Brambleberries owing to the distinctive grazing preferences of Mustela putorius, the common polecat, which accepts a home range of a quarter mile, and is determined not to wander past these self-imposed boundaries.

"Anonymous" is the talk of the town.

Declining persistent NAC requests for a face-to-face interview, which “anonymous” finds even more threatening than progress itself, he or she consented to a far-reaching question and answer session.

To preserve the anonymity of “anonymous,” this groundbreaking interview was conducted utilizing rotary dial telephones, Morse code, smoke signals and carrier pigeons.

NA Confidential:
Thanks for not sitting down with us. You have expressed anonymous opposition to the Scribner Place development downtown, but a wide array of local business and civic leaders feel that Scribner Place is a good idea. Can you explain your position?

ANON:
Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH …

NAC:In Richard Florida’s book, “Rise of the Creative Class,” the author theorizes that future economic development in cities like New Albany might derive from the presence of certain types of workers, who make employment choices according to non-traditional models that incorporate factors such as a community’s quality of life, its tolerance for multiculturalism, and proximity to recreational opportunities. Do you think New Albany has what it takes to prosper in this evolving economic system?

ANON:
Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH …

NAC:
The French writer and political theorist Voltaire is said to have commented, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” Based on your comments at Speak Out Loud NA, would you say that you agree or disagree with Voltaire’s sentiments?

ANON:
Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH …

NAC:Good nutrition and regular exercise are important aspects of one’s personal health and wellness goals. Does your family eat salad more than twice a week, or less than twice a week?

ANON:
Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH …

NAC:
Okay, here’s an easier one: IU, U of L, or UK?

ANON:
Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH …

NAC:
Thanks again for the, uh, chat … it really eased our minds.

ANNA and YVONNE:
What 3rd District Councilpuppet Steve Price really is trying to say is:

"Propertytaxsewercatastrophewastemayor’sSUV
bigmesswecan’tfolkscutthefatadultDVDjimmyyou
workforuslittlefolksburdenEDITthankgodforlaura
propertytaxlittlepeoplenewfangledparkingcriminal
conspiracygaragepointyheadsaaaaaaaaAAAARGGHHH."