Hand over that police report – or the haiku gets it!

Late Saturday night, acting on a warrant issued by the U.S. Department of Trite and Cutesy Pie Doggerel, New Albany police detained a local woman calling herself Ima Winner and charged her with improperly imitating a poet.

Officer J. Glitz of the NAPD explained to reporters that the indiscriminate use of sugary limericks to issue thinly veiled threats against freedom of speech, while favored by GOP strategists like Karl Rove, nonetheless is a direct violation of taste and decency, and is punishable by stays of up to two hours in the Admiral Bicknell Inn.

In a press conference, Ms. Winner’s Atlanta-based attorney, Hiram J. Froutz, played a videotape of a recent city council meeting to which the original soundtrack had been dubbed to make it appear that participants were lip-synching “Love Shack” by the B-52’s, and commented, “now, that’s art.”

Froutz added, “The use of bad poetry to create an atmosphere of intimidation prior to the commencement of an ill-fated mayoral campaign is constitutionally protected hate speech, and is precisely what you’d expect from the troglobyte apologists on the candidate’s payroll. We need more, not less, rampant fear of crushing lawsuits in this, the greatest nation in the history of the spot on the continent located between Canada and Mexico.”

Abruptly speeding away down Main Street in a open-sided, wheeled vehicle somewhat approximating, but perhaps not exactly to be defined in a way suggesting any obvious comparison to a form of conveyance often seen in the vicinity of golf courses, Froutz deferred all questions to a passerby whose name rhymes with "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,” who stated:

The moral of this tale – purely political
The potential litigant – quite hypocritical
‘Cuz if you want to be queen
Your affairs must be clean
Lest your reform platform be nonsensical