Boner and Jethro: Sewer – heal thyself!

There was a predictably contentious public hearing last evening on the topic of various plans to continue gently nudging New Albany’s sewer utility into the 21st century.

NAC’s senior editor was busy packing (sorry, it isn’t a one-way ticket) and could not attend the latest in a series of entertaining mob rule spectacles, but judging from the testimony of Gordy Gant, our intrepid volunteer mole – who admittedly departed the skull session early in an effort to avoid “further brain damage” – the hearing offered more of the same old Luddite song and dance in a minor (league) key:

(According to numerous attendees) this administration is a group of hapless bumbling, irresponsible idiots, the mayor is just short of being an outright thief & liar, and the sewer board, minus the two unpaid volunteer councilmen who are unlucky enough to have to sit on it, are single handedly responsible for the financial woes of New Albany dating back at least to the last ice age.

As if that weren’t bad enough, all of the lawyers, accountants, engineers, bond writers, and financial Phd’s on the planet are not as up to date and well versed in such matters as is our own illustrious gang of 4 & ½.

(Dan) Coffey was so impressed with the fact that the boys from Umbaugh had whittled the original 19% increase down to just over 7% in less than two weeks, that he reckoned if we give ‘um two more weeks they can get it down to 0%.

Perhaps the esteemed (and with CM Steve Price, thoroughly conjoined) master of pettifoggery also believes that if we wait long enough, the sewers will dramatically cure themselves, just like in that old Superman flick when the Man of Steel flew backward and made time move in reverse. The Wizard of Westside is nothing if not operatic in his grandstand flailings … and pathetically consistent in his big picture failings.

Meanwhile, the C-J’s new man reports from the sewer rate hearing:

Residents object to sewer rate hike; New Albany studies proposed increases, by Matt Batcheldor (short shelf life for Courier-Journal links).

Those of us who live in New Albany’s 3rd Council District, which under the guidance of pathological oppositionist and Dave Ramsey disciple CM Price increasingly has come to resemble one of the chaotic pocket “ – stans” in the former Soviet Union (without the colorful prayer rugs or redemptive oil wealth), look forward to our scentless leader’s bi-monthly council proclamations on creeping Nazism at the American Legion, digressions into hot-bed issues, and breathtakingly errant analogies pertaining to violent sexual assault.

According to the C-J, last evening, further proof of CM Price’s prescient financial acumen oozed to the surface.

"I'm not going to vote for anything," council member Steve Price said. "I don't borrow to pay debts."

But financial adviser Douglas Baldessari said that using economic-development money would cause the city to exceed its state debt limit and would require a timely scheme to restructure the payments to get around the requirement.

Here’s another quote guaranteed to arouse the righteous indignation of the taxpayers, this time from one of the uncouncilman’s most prominent constituents:

"It is all waste and mismanagement," said Valla Ann Bolovschak, innkeeper at the Admiral Bicknell Inn on Main Street. "This administration is costing the taxpayers millions of dollars."

But unlike her council representative, the non-blogging Ms. Bolovschak has released a detailed sewer relief plan, which can be read in its entirety at Professor Erika’s romper room blog. It’s called “The Admiral Bicknell-Meets-Illiterate Non-College Professor Sewer Relief Plan.”

Indeed, these are wretched and degrading times for those locals who stubbornly persist in touting the future tense. New Albany’s political landscape remains littered with the bloated carcasses of past political battles, and although we certainly have an ordinance requiring the bodies to be properly buried, you can bet it isn’t being enforced.

After all, in the immortal words of Councilman Larry “Limbo” Kochert – and unfailingly seconded in absentia by a Democratic party apparatus without visible rudders, a coherent platform or the discipline to keep party members in line – you just keep losing votes that way.