If New Albany was a real city, our city council meetings would be shown on the public access channel at our cable television monopoly, or streaming over the Internet.
They're not, but if they were, you could open your favorite bottle and play drinking games at home.
The complete PDF: "Ordinance Adopting Chapter 160: Rental Property Code," for your reading pleasure.
Tonight would be a very good time for it.
DRINK EACH TIME ...
1. Pat Harrison mentions the Gestapo.
2. A rental property owner insists that offering living space in return for pay does not constitute owning a business.
3. Pat McLaughlin allows a "leading citizen" to exceed his or her allotted speaking time.
4. A rental property owner refers to tenants as animals.
5. Scott Blair offers to gauge the quality of human life through cost-benefit spreadsheets.
6. A rental property owner refers to his or her non-business as a "product."
7. Dan Coffey begins fingering prayer beads, which in his case are mounted on the Abacus of Self-Interest.
8. A rental property owner refers to a "few bad apples" but refrains from making a positive ID.
HAVE A DOUBLE IF ...
A rental property TENANT attends the meeting and speaks to the ordinance.
IF JEFF GAHAN SHOWS UP TO ACTUALLY LEAD THE CITY WITH REFERENCE TO WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE HIS OWN IDEA, DEPENDING ON HOW MANY VOTES HE'LL GAIN OR LOSE EITHER WAY ...
Break out the Dom Perignon, but first, buy a lottery ticket.