Thursday, November 10, 2011

ON THE AVENUES: Meet the new reshuffle.

ON THE AVENUES: Meet the new reshuffle.

A weekly web column by Roger A. Baylor.

"The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy."
-- Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards


Tuesday’s results proved conclusively that an independent candidate dares not defy the two-party political establishment, and cannot hope to win a contested race in the city of New Albany – in fact, an independent cannot even come close, even after planting more yard signs than his opponent and declaring victory two weeks prior to election day.

That is, unless the independent candidate is Scott Blair.

The local political lexicon is now enriched, because in the 6th district, “pulling a Blair” now means not “pulling” a straight party lever. This bodes well for the future. Straight party voting should be removed as a ballot option, and what’s more, local races should be rigidly non-partisan. If they were, we’d be spared the indignity of Republicans demanding recounts (I seem to recall them opposing the concept in Florida way back in the year 2000).

Will the congenitally ineffective GOP chairman Dave Matthews endorse my reverse historical analogy and scurry to the state attorney general’s office for relief if Diane Benedetti’s 21-vote lead holds? Let’s hope so, because I could use a laugh.

Or, perhaps Ed Clere will introduce legislation to redress the municipal voting imbalance by introducing a new, innovative, St. Daniels-approved user fee for voting, not a poll tax per se, but the joyful, semantic improvement offered by a Poll Toll: Buy a coupon book of existing Ohio River bridge crossings, and get a Republican ballot absolutely free of charge.

(Alas, it’s just bad karma to campaign on behalf of any candidate who feeds his sign-planting workers mega-chain pizza.)

Speaking of pervasive Daniels envy, what are the odds of Doug England’s ballot-box-enforced “retirement” being permanent?

I asked the Green Mouse, who took a deep drag from his unfiltered Kool before responding: Nothing possibly could exceed the entertainment value of Hizzoner declaring for the House 72 seat currently occupied by Ed Clere. With Irv Stumler as titular England campaign manager, the vicious and predatory atmosphere of an epochal presidential election year would be the ideal moment to call in every accumulated marker from a lifetime in politics, and use the money to hammer the Republican incumbent both personally and mercilessly. Of course, it would be utterly futile, and Clere would win big nonetheless, but generational scores finally would be settled.

If a miracle occurred and England actually won, there’s already a deputy representative in waiting.

England and Jeffersonville’s deposed Tom Galligan are larger-than-life personalities accustomed to giving orders, not taking them. Both returned from the political wilderness to serve additional terms, and neither brought their A-games with them for a third ride on the merry-go-round. Now they’re back on the outside looking in, which is a place neither of them has ever been comfortable occupying.

In Jeffersonville, Galligan’s canal-side EPA edification plan has been unceremoniously aborted. Here in New Albany, Democratic party chairman John Wilcox tells One Southern Indiana Newspaper that, “(England) has made a change in New Albany that has never been duplicated and probably never will be duplicated.”

But nepotism as governing principle seems constantly duplicable. How’s that “change” working for you, anyway?

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Once the new city council is seated, it would be unwise for anyone to bet against a resumption of the bile and acrimony engendered by the Greatly Unnecessary Smoking Debate of 2008. As I noted last evening, four of 2008’s anti-smoking voters return to their 3rd floor chairs. A fifth in favor of banning indoor smoking ban almost surely will be found among the three incoming rookie council persons. Jeff Gahan, who favored the smoke-out in 2008, now occupies the mayor’s office, meaning that another veto is unlikely.

Alas, the city’s cigarette smokers may no longer have friends in high places.

Speaking personally, I’ve precious little stomach for a return to the naked savagery of the 2008 scrum. Reviewing the written record of that time, I am surprised anew at the mutable shape of alliances on the smoking issue. Reliably as ever, Steve Price was against the ban, but Dan Coffey was for it. I pilloried council president Gahan for his pro-ban stance at the time, and then blackened his mayoral oval two days ago. Jack Messer opposed the smoking measure in 2008, and did not receive my vote for chief executive. Bedfellows seldom have been as strange as they were when indoor smoking was the topic, and when (not if) an ordinance returns to the floor, the sheets may rustle yet again. Don’t they always?

To Shirley Baird, Scott Blair and Greg Phipps: The door-to-door campaigning is about to return to your lives, except this time, it’ll be Tim Filler standing on your porches. I recommend slamming the door in his face.

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Well, well.

Coffey dominated the hermetic 1st, and Jessica Knable, while losing, closed the GOP gap in CeeSaw’s 2nd. With the advent of Greg Phipps, the 3rd district belatedly achieves recognition as part of the city. When outgoing uncouncilperson Steve Price casts his final “no” vote on December 15, he’ll be serenaded by a karaoke version of the Manic Street Preachers’ “If You Tolerate This, Then Your Children Will Be Next.” That’ll be me, on amplified kazoo.

Pat’s back in the 4th, and at the musty King Kochert Memorial Museum of Back Alley Garage Polling Stations, rusty pins are being jammed into a spandex-clad voodoo doll. Diane Benedetti found 52% unattainable in both her 5th district 2011 council races, and yet she remains standing, albeit (politically) wobbly, with or without her other, variably interchangeable family name. As previously observed, Blair cleaned house in the 6th, making future mayoral contests potentially fascinating – assuming, of course, that Blair’s smashing win came without the new mayor’s assistance.

As expected, John Gonder and Kevin Zurschmiede resume their at-large council careers. They are joined by Shirley Baird, whose life lesson in very narrowly losing an at-large nomination to the superannuated Jimmy Hollis in the 2007 Democratic primary was to bind herself as tightly as possible to the party establishment. Now, having triumphed, she can be expected to follow the direction of the party establishment, which never exists in any substantive way once the last vote in any election is counted. With Jethro gone, who will she turn to? Only the Green Mouse knows, and he isn’t talking.

Mayor Gahan’s 64% appears impregnable, and will remain so until his 7-1-1 council majority turns on him at the second meeting in January. Then, at last, we can begin drinking heavily in preparation for the four-year siege of underachievement about to come. At least we’ll have our River View for consolation.

All four of my votes were cast for winning candidates.

Is that good, or bad?

1 comment:

Jeff Gillenwater said...

Some people who were happy to work with Jeff Gahan during the primary declared him awful in the general election and some who worked very hard against him in the primary are now declaring his election a fantastic thing for the city.

I hope he does well as mayor but don't envy his status as new best friend/automatic sworn enemy. So many hungry sharks, such a small pool. Good luck.