If you’re just tuning in, last week the Tribune’s guest columnist Matt Nash brilliantly exposed a councilman with no political clothing to wear, and with a traumatized community shielding its eyes, today the councilman responded with his own bail-out plan for local pseudonymous ghost writers.
This being New Albany, Steve Price’s persistent dysfunction couldn’t possible stop with today’s collection of homilies and redneck kitchen aphorisms from Aunt Bea’s cook-book-ie jar.
That’s because the councilman has found his own, personal Herbert Matthews, and yesterday began issuing communiqués in her blog, rather than go to the trouble (and the basic literacy required) to maintain his own public relations presence, to boldly nail his feces to the bookstore or brewhouse door, or even to use fellow councilman Dan Coffey’s weed-choked blogspot to mug for the crowd and incite civic vandalism.
It’s like my daddy always said: “Son, you leave those crayons out in the sun, and the goddamned things melt.”
If I’m reading the councilman’s proposal correctly, he’d like to select two seconds, making a total of three, and debate another team of three, this one to be chosen either by myself or the Bookseller (the use of “or” seems to imply that Publican and Bookseller cannot play on the same team).
So far, that’s it, and with a bit of work, it sounds reasonable to me. Now that Mrs. Baird has agreed to be used by … silly me, I mean “to represent” CM Price, Randy and I need someone to represent us. We need to know the location of the debate, the rules, the specific topics, how high in the air the flagpoles will extend, the brand of mineral water served, whether we can even find three Barney suits for my side to wear, and other pertinent details.
Readers, here is your big chance to become involved with local government. Your councilman needs relief from political bloating, and the rest of us need a rollicking good time in the ol’ town tonight. I need more excuses to use the epithet “Goddamn” as often as possible. So, who among you wants to represent us in this delicate negotiation?
Hint: Where’s your goddamned shyster when you need him most?